COMING SOON from the great innovative minds at tumblr… the features you’ve ALL been clamoring for… NEW PROMOTIONS!!!!
$15 - “Microsoft Slam” - Click the radio button to “microsoft slam” a post. When a user scrolls past your post on their dashboard, Microsoft Sam will read all text content in your post at maximum volume. He won’t stop until the tumblr window is closed!
Inevitable bugExtra feature - Every time the top of the post enters the browser window, Microsoft Sam starts reading your post again. But the previous audio isn’t terminated, creating an overlapping cacophony of robot voices as you scroll through your dash.
$150 - “Tumblr Pin Deluxe” - Click the radio button to activate this promotion. For your followers, the next 24 hours will be interesting. This post will become unavoidably pinned to the top of the following pages:
- Config, Messages, Help, Login
- Dashboard of anyone that once followed you but doesn’t follow you now
- The registration page if they are going to follow you once they sign up
- LiveJournal Friends
$10000 - “Fuck It, We Need The Money Ha Ha Ha” - For the next 24 hours, the user icon of everyone on tumblr becomes your face. All attempts to switch it back are futile.
- Extra Feature - Of course, they’ll have to change it back manually.
$100000 - “Carlos That Last Feature Was a Joke, Why Did You Implement It” - All users on tumblr follow you. Forever. The “unfollow” button on your blog is replaced with a follow button. Clicking this will add you to their “following” list again, causing you to show up on your dash twice. Thrice. Again. Again. Again.
- Extra Feature - When they close their eyes to go to sleep at night, your blog will be al̵l̨ ͡they̨ ͜se͜e ͌̓̓̂̒͆̚.
$83924738 - “CARLOS STOP YOU’LL DESTROY US ALL” - You fuse with tumblr, ̑́̾ｂ̺̫̩ͭͥｅ̤̙̝͑ͭ̾̀ͨ͐̎ｃ͎̖̅ͅͅｏ̦̩̲̻͑͌͑ͥ̽ｍ̝̮͂͐͛̋̒ｉ̘ｎ͎͎͓̼̰̥͍́̾ｇ̻̪̯͉̣ͅ ̳̲̺̪͂̊ ̇ͭ̅ｔ̾́̐ｈ̲̖̔ͪｅ̦̫͔ͫ̏̉̂̈ ̪̬̣̯̹̣̲ͪ͗ͬ̿͋ͫ ͓̠̦ͅｕ̞̙̲̑̽͊ ̲̮̲̩͔͙̄ ̣̼̩̲̜̋͌ͧｌ̰̱̟͔̬͈̱ͮ ͔̃̊ͨ̑ ̜͉̦̱͉̲ｔ̘̥ͫ̈̊ ͇̜͇̀ ̫̘ͫ̒ͪ́ｉ̞̱̪̼͚͉̰̈ ̼̖͓̜̱̼ͅ ̟̳ｍ̝̦̰̐ͬ̄͂̾̔̚ ̺͔̪̾ͩ͆͒ͅ ͉̟̜̔ͧ̃ａ͚̪̮̩̔ ̳̮̩͋̄̈́̽ͥ̃̚ ̯͔͍ͧͪｔ̖ ̫̪̬͚͂͐̈̃ͫͧͅ ̭̿͒ͨ̔ｅ̺̙̬̬̟͕ ͍̱-̪͕̱̹̺͐̔͐ ̳͚̩̗̹͑͑ͨ͊ͅͅ ̜̩͈̼̬̺ͅｂ̭͈͎͉̻̗̞̂̇͐͊̾ͣ̚ ͓̞̗̹͖̣̙ ̻͍̭̣̋̇ͭ̒̚ｅ͔̟͈͔͈͔͛ͥͤ ̜̭ͪͭͨͯͭ̈̈́ ̮̺̼̮̻̤͕ͭ̿̇ｉͦ̓̄̓ͮ̒͒ ̹̜̤̗ ͓̜̱̪̪̪͓̀͊͊̊̂͐̈́ｎ̬̟ͣ̓́̽͆̚ͅ ̬͔͎̥͇̹̎̔ ̙͕̯͍͇̓ͤ̾̅̽̃̓ｇ̞̬͚̝ͪͭ̉ͤͧ̀̚ ｈａｈａｈａｈａｈａｈａｈａｈａｈａｈａｈａｈａｈａｈａｈａｈａｈａｈａｈａｈａ