I'M RAD.

practice safe sexting

• lube your phone up before use. you can just smear k-y jelly all over the buttons
• condoms must cover the whole phone and each of your individual fingers
• once you finish be polite. call them up and yell THANKS FOR THE GREAT SEx. then say HEY MY GENETALIA WANT TO SAY SOMETHING and hold the phone up to your crotch. say “THANK U” in a high pitched, cartoony-sounding voice. wink audibly and hang up abruptly. you should do this everytime you want to thank anybody for anything

otakon adventures pt 1

honey pockets. pepsi pillow. sprinkle sheets.

on friday shad+derp+bea foolishly decided to let me into their hotel room. i had been collecting honey packets from starbucks because they are delicious so i asked anyone if they wanted any. someone said they could use them with coffee so I responded by pulling gobs of honey packets out of my pockets and throwing them at the coffee machine. the room became filled with honey packets.

that morning i woke up at 8am in a sleep-deprived stupor and decided i needed a drink before i got up, so i reached for a nearby diet coke bottle and unscrewed it. i then proceeded to pour about half of it onto my pillow. i immediately realized my mistake and threw a towel onto the pillow but after several moments of embarrassed scrubbing it still looked like I shit all over it.

then i got up and realized there was a huge, sticky mess encroaching on my crotch, emanating from the inside of my pants. my worst fears had been realized. one of the honey packets in my pocket had exploded when i had rolled over it in my sleep.

the next night i wasnt sleeping in the room but someone found sprinkles in the sheets of one of the beds. there was no possible way it was me but i’d like to think it was my fault somehow anyway

every time i think about making the baby is 2 i worry that id end up putting too much effort into making it an actual, like, broadway-quality musical production. the last time i tried to make it the exposition turned into a sitcom complete with laughtrack and it was unbearably unfunny in a really underwhelming way

and dont ask me for it because i just spent 30 minutes looking for it and I CANT FIND IT I THINK IT’S LOST FOREVER

answering questions in my ask box for the remainder of tuesday

i actually have a lot of questions in my askbox but they usually fall under the broad umbrella that is “OH I SHOULD FIGURE OUT THE BEST WAY TO ANSWER THIS” but then I don’t

so also feel free to ask a question i didn’t answer before….. that you already asked

shin megami tensei spells

DIA - Small HP recovery to one ally
MEDIA - Small HP recovery to all allies
DIARAMA - Impress monsters with a small 3D replication of the battle in a cardboard box

BUFU - Small ice-element damage to one target
MABUFU - Small ice-element damage to all targets
ZABUMAFU - Moderate lemur-element damage to all targets

ZIO - Small lightning damage to one target
ZIONGA - Medium lightning damage to one target
MAHAZIORAON - How the fuck do you even pronounce this I’m done with this shit